Meanwhile in Cuckooland 31


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Bad news for those, who wanted to go to Poland to have some indecent fun. As one of internet portals informed, apparently there is a new trend amongst Polish hookers: in their on-line adverts they point out that they do not serve foreigners. “POLAND NOW!” is allegedly a trending slogan on such websites.

That should make PiS happy. Patriotism has reached even the lower levels of the Polish society. It’s no longer only politicians and priests, not only some young people, but even those who sell their bodies begun to understand, that there is something more important in this live than money! (please note: link for over 18 only: https://www.roksa.pl/pl/anonse/pokaz/150326).

But will that mean the first split in the nationalist community? After all, one of the most popular slogans amongst nationalist is a quote from Józef Piłsudski: “Bić kurwy i złodziei! – Fight whores and thieves!”. Will nationalist whores be spared the beating? And, more importantly, will all those young boys, who devote all their hooligan’s graft for their motherland, can still hope to be served in the evening by those, whom they were calling to be beaten during a nationalist event during the day?

There is also a problem with theft. A fighting squad of ONR, nationalist-fascist organisation, have attacked a rally of KOD (Comittee for Defence of Democracy) in Radom. After trying to disturb the event, and several failed provocations, the group pretended to leave the area of KOD while one of the aggressors stole the flag of the organisation. After he was chased by event security, his colleagues run “to his rescue”. Pictures of the young fascist beating elderly man caused shock waves in Poland and beyond:

The whole situation can be seen on this youtube clip, that some internaut illustrated with appriopriate soundtrack:

(You can see the full story here. If you went to nationalist websites, you would see only 9 seconds of this footage, as apparently only 9 seconds of it would not contradict their claim that it was them, who were the victims here).

So, frankly speaking, I am getting confused. If nationalists want to fight whores and thieves, they surely should have beaten their colleague who stole KOD’s flag, not an elderly man?

Luckily, there is at least one person, who understands young nationalists. Beata Mazurek, PiS spokesperson asked about nationalists attacking KOD manifestation, admitted that this situation should not take place, but “she understands them”.

I hope Ms Mazurek would care to explain to everyone else what is it all about, as most Poles struggle to understand what is going on in those brown minds. After all, we talk about the people who last year organized their own march to celebrate 40th anniversary of Strikes in Radom, during which they marched the city streets chanting “I FUCK IT!”.

No, seriously:

But perhaps it is all due to that media, that spread fake news I hear so much recently? Good news is that PiS decided to sort that bit out as well. Ryszard Czarnecki MEP got angry after another of unflattering pictured gained popularity in the media and informed, that spreading photoshopped images can result in legal consequences. Well, that’s Wprost, Wsieci and, basically, most of Polish magazines, not only from the right side gone. And that consul who published picture of Donald Tusk in Nazi uniform is probably also in trouble. Also non-photographic fake news will be fought at every front. PiS MP Dominik Tarczyński proposes suspending emission, financial fines or even criminal penalties for spreading those. Ironically, he announced it in Telewizja Republika, that along with PiS run TVP would have to be banned forever if that bill went true.

But who needs bans on printing papers if you can simply ban selling them over the counter? This what happened in the press kiosks ran by the companies under state control, such as LOT Airlines or Orlen gas stations. In there, only right wing media is on display, if you want to buy Gazeta Wyborcza or Polityka, most popular daily and weekly, respectively, you need to ask, as those are stored under the counter.

But this is not only about politics, but also about morality. A young artist shared a story on her Facebook page: she was asked to give interview for TVP during exhibition of works of art school graduates. After the reporter seen her paintings, she was informed that “it won’t go through”, as her work portrayed three naked women hugging each other. After other media picked up the story, TVP reporter enforced her stand: “Miss Paulina was completely unable to respect us, reporters of National Television. She should lean down with humility. Instead, she runs aggressive campaign on Facebook. In my opinion she should be treated by a psychiatrist. I am very sorry that such people are doing art in this country!”.

In PiS Poland, you are only allowed to think like PiS thinks. Soon, you wont’ even be able to get out to the streets. Under the pretext of safety measures for Climate Conference, that is to take place in Poland in late 2018, they try to patch the loophole they have overlooked when hastingly creating new law on public manifestations. Spontanous protests will no longer be allowed, and the government will be granted even more rights to spy on it’s citizens.

Of course those, who think as they should think, have no problems with organizing their rallies. Even despite enormous costs to the taxpayer due to the number of required police force, it is unimaginable that montly celebrations of Jarosław Kaczyński’s hate to everyone, so called “Smoleńsk Monthiversary”, would be banned on the grounds of public safety. And even lack of people who would manifest for the right cause would not stop PiS from organizing rallies: in response to anticipated protests against logging in Puszcza Białowieska, that are expected to happen in Kraków during UNESCO conference, State Forests organize their own rally. About 1000 forestry workers with families were asked to turn up in plain clothes by their employer to “protest” against UNESCO even talking about what is going on in Białowieża. Seems that Poland feel well in the company of other states that are known to organize pro-government rallies, such as Iran, China, Cuba or, in the past, Soviet Union, Nazi Germany and Fascist Italy…

Of course, environmentalist and UNESCO are not only enemies of Poland. We can’t forget about refugees. After a Muslim teenagers from Germany were abused on the street, a leader of paramilitary organisation associated with Ministry of Defence, and therefore propably future officer of newly created Territorial Army, expressed his happiness. “Let’s hope there will be more such situations” – he wrote on his public social media profile. But what you expect? He only followed official guidance of the ruling party that tweeted from it’s official profile “Don’t let anyone tell you, that aversion to immigrants is something wrong!”

Speaking of the territorial army, so far nobody was able to tell, what they would actually do. But fear no more. First tasks they were assigned is fighting the wild boar (apparently the whole of the population has to be slaughtered due to some pig disease). Another job of those part-time soldiers will be spying on their neighbours and local communities.

Meanwhile regular Polish army successfully invaded Sweden. According to a Swedish paper during some exercises they decided to practice landing troops on the Swedish coast. Serves them right, those bloody Swedes, perhaps now they consider returning all those treasures plundered from Poland during Swedish Deluge, as their invasion on Polish-Lithuanian commonwealth in XVII century is commonly known.

And so, since the security of Poland is assured (in line with the old propaganda slogan from 1950’s “Aby murarz mury budować mógł, czuwać musi żołnierz, by nie przeszkodził wróg” – For the mason to be able to build walls, the soldier has to be vigilant, so the enemy cannot interrupt), we can build some walls. Of course Kaczyński don’t understands the present, so as usual he turns into the past. During recent party conference it was announced, that ruined castles build by king Kazimierz Wielki will be brought back to their former glory. Apparently as this XIV century king is known for that he “found Poland wooden, and left it in brick and stones”, Kaczyński wants to be remembered as the one, who found Poland in ruins, and left it rebuilt…

But, as British PM kindly informed us recently, before pulling a 1.5 billion pounds out of her sleeve in order to bribe a minor bigoted party to keep her in power, there is no money tree. So how is PiS to fund all their big projects, especially that they still have to pay millions to families of Smoleńsk crash victims, who keep suing the state for their trauma and damages and are granted hefty settlements (which strangely seems to be strongly correlated with their political affiliation – closer to PiS you are, more is your suffering worth in hard cash)? Well, it is still unclear, but the first ideas starting to pop out here and there. For example Dariusz Chyćko, driving test examiner and governmental advisor on road safety rightly pointed out, that the parliament keeps messing around with Polish highway code, which results in that many drivers cannot keep up with changes in law. His solution to this problem would be forcing every driver to pass theory test annually. According to Chyćko that would ensure that they are up to date with the law, but of course such tests would not be free of charge…

Answering to popular demand, I’ve decided to finish with some more of Polish right wing poetry:

You got up early, no hangover
You greet your wives and family
And then you go out into Warsaw
That turns into homely Medina.

Bazaars at squares and avenues
Muezins’ call comes from overhead
Here goes a 1000th gay’s beheading
There some dyke is getting stoned.

You keep your daugher on a short leash
Aware of greedy eyes of brothers
She’ve put her brand new Burqa today
She knows that whoring around means death.

Life passes slowly and lazily
You have your kebab instead of pork-chop.
Five times a day you bow to Mecca
Not too ardently, just enough.

Quranic verses have replaced
Beautiful billboards on the house walls
You get your sons to Mosque on Friday
That was built at Saviour’s Square.

Faith-police in khaki uniforms
Chase traitors and some other deviants
Is that what the progressives wanted
When they allowed in first migrants?

This poem was written by Marcin Wolski, a chairman of second channel of TVP and read during the tribute show to comedian Jan Pietrzak, PiS favourite artist (more on him here). It was part of the show of similar quality, that was broadcasted simultanously by public TV and Radio.


This piece was written for Bristke Listy. 
Picture: Public Domain via Pixabay

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